Fencing — the reason why we hesitate between choices

Imagine yourself sitting on the edge of a fence. Each foot on different sides of the fence. And while you are there, you are not sure which direction to jump. This is what I like to call “fencing”.

You may have found yourself sometime in your life hesitating to pick a choice. Say for example, you cannot decide whether continuing with your current career is the right thing to do or to start something new, go back to studies, etc.

The reality is, it will be very hard to be able to know whether either of the options represent great choices before taking some steps ahead. But we all want to be fortune tellers and anticipate already where one decision will take us, before taking any risks. We want to experience the joy or trying something new, but without any pain or loss. We want to know from the very beginning or even before whether it is worth taking the step or not. And when we don’t have this vision, likely we will refrain from making a choice.

In those moments, when we choose comfort over growth, rarely will we be happy and content with the decision made. There will be short moments of satisfaction when the paycheck day arrives, and the euphoria will last as shortly as the first 2–3 days after you have paid your basic expenses and you can focus again or more intellectual and emotional needs. In moments when the comfort starts to feel painful or less pleasant, we will begin again daydreaming about better choices, about finally starting that business, taking that sabbatical, or going to that retreat. We go to our mental retreat where we feel free to try and test and no risk and no pain of losing. But staying in our minds and thoughts doesn’t imply creating anything into the real world.

In those moments when we find ourselves hesitating between choices, we must understand that we are living in the past and living in ignorance. Why? Because we choose the current option out of comfort and based on experience that was good enough to keep us happy, while we deny the opportunity to try new things because we don’t feel ready yet for the change (although we consider it). The body, the environment may already send signals that it’s time for new adventures, that is time to expand your horizon, that is time for change. These signs may come in form or moodiness, nothing seems to make you happy anymore, you find yourself not focused with your work, you dread the idea of a Monday while you start to come to life on Friday. You dream and live for the weekends, holidays, any breaks away from work and the ordinary routine. You start inserting new things in your life, like taking a different route to work, arranging lunch breaks with new colleagues, trying to get involved in new projects. Moments of temporary relief that only keep a bandage on your subconscious desire to change that still didn’t meet you at the courage point.

These moments or crossroads in life, we are not taught to celebrate them. But we are taught to ignore them or to the very least deny them and resign with the idea of a midlife crisis. What if it is not a midlife crisis, but a midlife awakening?

What if instead of denying the awakening that wants to happen through you, you embrace it and celebrate it. Celebrate that you have awaken from the walking dead scenario of life, where all stages of life have been carefully crafted and designed for you by the system, by the education received, family expectations.

Those moments of fencing how I like to call them, are there for a reason: there are your gift to put into perspective your life, your choices and fulfilling your heart purpose here on earth. So do not deny them, escape them, feel ashamed you don’t know what you want, or you are not acting mature enough for sticking to your responsibilities.

While hesitating between big life choices, be aware you are making a choice. To stay where you are. To stay in a place that, deep in your soul, you already don’t want to be there anymore.

Or maybe, you have taken a step further, nurturing your new desires as well, new life adventures, ventures, projects. But you are also still holding onto that old identity, that safety place. In that moment, be aware that, your energy is still focused on keeping you “safe” and likely your new projects, ventures won’t experience much growth and success because there is no creating vibe in those projects. If you would believe in your projects, you would pour into them 100% of your time and energy. When one foot is one basket and the other foot is in another basket, your message will not be aligned, and your energy will be scattered everywhere. Likely, results won’t show up, at the maximum, you will continue to safeguard the comfort of your current situation and experience here and there small success in your new venture and slow progress, if at all. At some point this split might push you to decide to quit your venture, because it is not working. Did you ever start it with the intention to work?

It is never easy to make choices that we can anticipate will alter the quality of our lives going forward. But guess what? Even the fact that you are spending so much time taking a decision is a sign of maturity. Because now you are not deciding with the brain of a 20 years old with no experience, but with the brain of a person that has experience life and got to make a meaning of it to date. Still maturity should not block you from moving forward.

What can help you to move forward confidently with one decision or a choice is by honestly asking yourself:

· who will I become as a person if my project were to be successful?

· who will I become as a person if I choose to stay where I am?

There may seem philosophical questions but are not. They do require though, for you to reflect on your life, who do you want to become as a person through this lifetime and recognise those experiences that will get you there and have the courage to pick them.

When you find yourself hesitating between choices, become aware that whatever life is serving you, is not your favourite dish anymore. Have the courage to walk away from a table where your favourite dish is no longer being served.

Fencing at best, can give you a view of both sides, but won’t imply any progress at all. At a certain moment, you will have to jump!