Why celebrating every success it’s not bragging but actually the thing that will transform your life forever

Does it sound familiar to you never to be too “loud” about your success or personal accomplishments? Don’t dream too big, don’t shout about it, because everything will be taken away the minute you start sharing it with the world and you actually enjoy it.

I used to hold the belief that I should never speak loud and proud about my accomplishments. Treat it as something normal and go on with the work. I was just lucky to get a good grade, I was just lucky to get a next promotion or salary increase. There are other people that didn’t get as lucky as me and there are others that got even luckier so it’s not for me to be loud and proud about it.

Or even worse, I was believing that if I get too happy about my success, there will be a situation or a person that will reveal the imposter in my and show how fake my success is. So better to stay low, just in case my success proves not to be authentic. How did that serve me? In none of the ways … And there are many implications with holding that belief that have their roots in psychology and cognitions.

In this article I want to focus on a small part of the vast literature on this subject, specifically on discounting.

I was not aware of this term and what it means until I came across it in Transactional Analysis module when I was studying for my coaching diploma.

The literature provides that “the person who discounts believes of acts as though some aspect of the self, other people, or [the] reality [situation] is less significant than it actually is […]

To give examples of discounting it can go from not giving yourself credit for the work you do, not accepting compliments or congratulations from others (it was a small thing), doing nothing about a situation because it’s not that bad (others are exaggerating), not feeling that you can change something, because it feels out of your power to do so (discounting yourself), going into overadaptation behaviours to smooth the discomfort of a situation (e.g. trying to please your boss more and more to keep your job because you feel there is no other way), agitation (you prefer a passive action rather than believing you have a solution), incapacitation or violence (incapacitation can show as creating that self-destructive behaviour where you will put yourself unconsciously in a situation that makes you powerless, to match the belief you hold in your mind that there is nothing to do about it, reflected in dependencies, violence towards self, illness).

If you have followed me until this point, you may start to understand why discounting can be so damaging. Now you will probably think, wait: but this is how I was raised, to show humility, to be modest about my accomplishments, to not shout loud about my success, etc.

There is a distinction between showing humbleness and not internalising your own accomplishments.

The secret is to accept when you see the fruitful result of your work, dedication and internalise it, make it part of yourself. It’s what would be called the opposite of discounting, i.e., accounting.

“Accounting would mean taking into account aspects of yourself, others or the reality of a situation. You can account for yourself by knowing who you are, your strengths and stretches, what you have achieved in life — everything that makes you the unique human being that you are “

-The transformational Coach: Free your thinking and break through to coaching mastery, Clare Norman, 2022.

How would your life look life if as from today you start to incorporate into your daily routine accounting as well? What would you acknowledge? What would you celebrate? What would you be proud of?

Accounting is very helpful when you want to become aware of your strengths, when you want to take back your personal agency, self-efficacy, the power that you can be the creator of your own life and reality.

When you forget what got you so far in life, take a pen and paper and write down all the reasons you believe you had your share of success in life. And whenever you have a nagging voice saying, “it was not that big”, take it as a challenge and come up with reasons why for you it was actually big.

Personal agency may be also a term you are not yet familiar with and would be helpful to know what it means.

Here are some brief definitions:

Agency is the capability of individuals to make choices and to act on those choices in ways that make a difference in their lives (Martin, 2004).

Agency is “the power to originate action” (Bandura, 2001, p. 3).

Self-efficacy refers to an individual’s. b e l i e f in his or her capacity to execute behaviours necessary to produce specific performance attainments (Bandura, 1977, 1986, 1997).

There has been a lot of writing on these two terms above and the impact on human performance. There are many psychological studies that reveal the power of belief and that the perceptions individuals holds over a specific situation or themselves, will be decisive for their success of failures.

What I want to leave you with today is to become a bit more aware of the power you have over yourself, which is influenced by your perceptions and belief system, how to acknowledge the impact of your actions (either for good or bad), how discounting can be more harmful and damaging for your confidence or success in life and how accounting for your success and influence you have over your life and others, will help you to grow confidence, agency and self- efficacy, which will help and support you in this journey we call life.

As I end this note here, I do challenge you to keep a daily note of your accomplishments and do count them at the end of each day, no matter how small or insignificant may look like for you. Remember, where your focus goes, your energy flows. So, choose to feed what gives you energy, what replenishes your reserves after long days and learn to be grateful that no matter what, you have come this far and keep walking.

And if you find it challenging at the moment to figure out what you can account for, it’s ok. It’s a habit that requires to be practiced (just as you grow muscles by going to the gym).

And also, you can always reach out to me, working with a professional coach can help you navigate these blockages and make you aware of your best-self and how resourceful you are.

Until next time,

I cheer for you and look forward to celebrating your success!

Ana